Brain Dump and Questions

Once again, it has been a bit since I've posted.  I'm still working through the balance of school and work happening in my life.  It's quite busy really. 

I find myself at that place where I have secured some new friends, but am now worrying about their status in my life.  Do we ever get to a point where we don't worry about these things?  My mother, 30 years wiser than I, still worries about what other people think of her.  I'm afraid that with my over-thinking tendencies I'm destined to worry my entire life.  It just takes so much energy that I would much rather spend reading, writing papers, or heck, just watching tv.  

I'm not bold enough to think I will never have to worry about what anyone thinks, but it would be nice to worry about it less.  I'm constantly baffled by the ability some people have to do this, and I just don't understand.  If you know about the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, it may not surprise you that I tend to test back and forth each time I take it as either a "t" or an "f" (thinker or feeler).  I'm always working to reconcile these conflicting sides of me without diminishing one or the other.  

Obviously, I haven't found a great way to do that just yet. 

Does anyone ever?

So many questions to ponder really. I'll keep working on it and let you know. 

Return from the darkness, if you will.

Well, that title sounds much more ominous than this post really is, but I'm back! Not in a permanent sense because, let's face it, I'm a graduate student and that means I will most assuredly be too busy to post all the time.  So, I'm back for now. 


The decision to return comes from the immense amount of over-thinking I've been doing.  Despite being so exceedingly busy, I've still managed to wrack my brain for too many comments and evaluations on life and distract myself from what I really should be focusing on (ahem:: classes:: ahem).  


Instead I'm often thinking about the creation of friendships.  They are a complicated and delicate thing, and take some nurturing for sure, but that is once they are established.  I'm still in that phase where a group of people is figuring out just what the dynamic is, do you remember that time?  We are all entirely new to each other, so it is a bit awkward and uncomfortable for a while and now all those alliances are being formed and people are breaking off into their own groups and it's just complicated.  


Of course, I'm over-analyzing my place in all of this: what are people thinking of me? Do they want to be my friend? Really my friend, not just a fake friend. It's complicated enough already, and my little brain is just spinning more and more into it.  Right now there is just too much going around in my mind to even begin to break it down for this post.  So, I'll resolve to relax about it a bit more and just spend time with folks.  


To start with, I'm making these babies tonight. mmmm. drool all over the keyboard. 

New Favorite Things

I am completely obsessed with this puppy. Absolutely my new favorite thing!

Sadly, it is sold out right now online. However, I picked mine up in store, so it could be worth a try looking there.

I use it for more than just Starbucks drinks. I can take it to the local coffee-shop and since it says how much it holds on the bottom (a cool 20 oz) they just charge me for a 20 oz drink but make it in my cup! Reusable and fabulous. Or, I just put my own iced coffee, tea, heck even lemonade in it. LOVE.

How to Simplify Your To Do List OR Get Some Stuff Done

Are you still waiting with baited breath since this post? So sorry about that. I don't know what baited breath is exactly, but it doesn't sound like a nice way to wait. oops.

Anyway, my gift from the lovely Miss B and Chronicle Books finally came! I was delighted to come home from a failure of a day of errands and trying to find running shoes to find this little package inside my door.

(I was quite eager to open it...can you tell by the ripped cardboard ala a 5 year old on Christmas morning?)

TADA! This wonderful freebie is the newest goodie from the incredibly crafty Mary Kate McDevitt. I've decided we should be bffs. She did, after all, create a wonderful way to organize my life! (Or yours!) What do you give a lady after she does a thing like that? That's right, your undying friendship. Decided. If you don't want to take my word for it, please go visit her adorable Etsy shop. Then come back and tell me I was right. Go ahead. I'll wait.

...

All set? Great. Now that we've cleared that up, take a look at this puppy.

I mean, with motivational phrases like that, how can you NOT help but get things done? You know how terrible I am about making lists, but this wonderful bunch of paper simplifies it down. Only two things to accomplish today? Why yes, I think I will. Throw in cute illustrations and motivational phrases? Don't mind if I do.

I mean, it's already working...check out my list for today.

See? Already done!

If you are as in love with this baby as I am, head on over to the Pre-Order page on Chronicle Books! Just think of what a great present this would be...especially for those folks who are a little less organized. You know, those friends you have who don't always want to get stuff done. Now you can help them get some stuff done. Or yourself. ahem. ;)

Packing

Alright, so this packing thing...I'm quite the expert at it by now. After all, I have moved ump-teen times in the last 7 years. (College and then changing jobs after College helped to raise this number) I'm about to do it again.

ugh.

To be totally fair, the insane woman in me just loves organizing all of my stuff for a move. Heck, I made a post-it labeling system and stacked boxes based upon their weight and shape to easily pack them into one of those fancy pants moving company boxes. You know the ones. I tell you this to assure you that my over-thinking is well and working when moving is a-foot.

BUT, I also dread it. There is just SO F-ING MUCH to consider. gasp!, you say to yourself, after all this spewing about how much she thinks, how could she possibly DISLIKE an opportunity to think more. Allow me to make my case. There is just so much stuff. Really. And I get rid of a lot of stuff every time I move. I don't want to forget anything and I need to think about the best possible way to pack it all. Plus, there is the planning of however you are getting to where you are moving. Do we push to make the drive in one day? Relax and take it in two? Where do we want to stop? Have I remembered everything I needed to complete to prep the apartment I'm moving into? Utilities? That damn cable and internet? (note to current resident: please please please tell the cable company you are moving) You get the idea. I'm sure many of you have done this before. I'm certainly not the first person.

This is just the perfect example of when my over-thinking is overwhelming for even me. Which is precisely why I want to figure out just what makes my thinking so very crazy. Why do I need to do this?

In this instance, I worry that I'll forget something. If I forget something, the world might fall apart. Well, my world. Yes, I said it. And NOT knowing that I have thought of everything, I literally get a pain in my stomach. That ache that drops the bottom of your stomach, reminding you where your center of gravity seems to rest. It can make you feel sick, it can be the little reminder that you love someone, or it can be where you want to leave your dinner on a roller coaster (sometimes all the same thing...). But yeah, that. I feel it when I worry I missed something or could have done more. It's a fear really. So, this time, my thinking is a protection. I keeps me from feeling like I'm going to fall off that edge, unprepared and without my parachute.

Lesson learned: I should try to appreciate my thinking and roll with it a bit more. All those webs of lists and reminders should weave together to make a nice, light-weight cloth for a parachute. :)

Dear Leah,

Thanks for posting something that makes me laugh. every. single. day.

Your sense for finding the delightful and irreverent in the sometimes disgusting provides a gentle reminder to just let shit go.

OR

As my friend Anthony would say: CTFO (chill the f*** out)

best, a

Weekend vs. Week

Oh the things I need to think about these days.

Did you have a good weekend? I think I did. Overall, anyway. Although, at this point, I must admit that it is difficult to separate my weekends from my weeks. The major difference? No daytime TV shows.

I know. I know. Poor Miss Anna…how dreadful to have time off and lose track of what day it is. I do agree with you. I’m lucky to have this nice break. But I do find there is ultimately a problem with this for me: I don’t have enough to do. Again: why am I complaining? You see, I’m that wacky kind of person who operates best when I have stuff to do and a full schedule. I have a to do list right now, but I can’t seem to get my bum off the couch and get things done. For all the times I complain about being too busy and having “literally noooooo time” (YES, I just wrote that and NO, I’m not a crazy character from Clueless) I have an even greater inability to accomplish anything when I am the opposite of busy. Whatever that is.

I crave and need that sense of pressure and the deadlines that come with being busy. Forget just getting stuff accomplished, I even do better work when I’m busy! The brilliance juices are all a-flowin’ through my brain. (Technical terms people. Very technical.) So, with nothing to do these days, my to do list is quite lonely and abandoned. I even miss that satisfying little squiggly line I use to cross an item off my list. Sigh. There is one highlight hopefully coming my way…courtesy of the delightful Miss B. (The person who really inspired my blogging start and one of the most fabulous ladies on the interwebs). Hopefully the pressure of a deadline from outside will help move me along. No, I can’t tell you just yet. Okay, I could, but I’d rather keep you in suspense. Don’t you enjoy the tension? What will it be? Will it actually kick my bum into gear? No one knows!!

See? I had you all thinking I was writing about my weekend. I’m a trickster like that.

Running Errands

Errands. It sounds like such a simple word. Heck, I would go so far as to say even a fun one sometimes. But, being me, I can make it more complicated and less fun.

First, we have to consider that I love to get out of the house. And I mean L-O-V-E love. I get to complete a task, I get to drive around and enjoy some fabulous music-driving combination, I can stop for a fancy coffee on the way, oh the possibilities are endless. And delightful! With that said, I like to space out the fun I have, as much as possible. Helps keep me sane (or so I tell myself). I prefer to think of spacing out fun like you should space out exercise. If you work out every day for the first week of a month and then don't for the next three weeks, it doesn't do much good and just wears you out for that week. If you exercise a few times each week during the month, you get much more out of it. In an effort to space out the fun of getting out of the house, I need to think in advance about how recently I went out and when I might need to go out again.

Second, there is the list making. I love lists. Lots of them. In every pocket, notebook, or post-it. Everywhere. I just don't want to forget anything! (Not that I wouldn't love making that second or third trip) Once there are loads of little lists, I have to compile them and figure out what I really need to get and what I just thought I needed to get. Working on minimizing that impact on the environment with less extra stuff and less gas spent on trips.

Look at this already. Two paragraphs and I haven't even left the house yet! Can you see how I make this less fun?

Third, when do I leave the house? I want to maximize the time of day and things I have to do based around making meals, tv shows I like to watch, exercise in the morning, and even when I might get the urge for more caffeine.

Once I have managed to cull some sensible plan out of these variables and requirements, I can leave the house. Why do I feel compelled to think through so many things before I run a "simple" errand? I still don't know. Shit. Oh well. I'll over-think about it some more.

Ah, the clothing...

Now friends, you are aware by this point of my neurotic tendencies. (Or, you hopefully are aware...) Today, I provide you with another example. Allow me to paint you a picture of my lovely plans for the day, will you?

I was meeting an old friend in a picturesque little town on the river for lunch and light window shopping. We are currently in the dredges of an upper-90's heat wave known as summer. You sweat through everything, and would kill for a light breeze. We don't need to get into the amount of time spent deciding just what to wear, but what I did with my outfit...that we shall discuss. To allow for proper ventilation and comfort in said heat wave (Call it summer if you want, but I call it miserable) I selected a cute elastic waist skirt with a simple tank top.

The dilemma? To tuck or not to tuck the tank top. This is all about the lines created on my profoundly pear-shaped self. Any kind of tucked in shirt can create some drama (read: bumps, lumps, and wrinkles on my frame). Now, the gathering of the skirt, when covered by a tank top, well that leads to some poofing and enlargement of the hips. Remember that pear-shape? Yeah. No need to make these hips bigger baby. I literally spent the entire day tucking and untucking said top.

Even with an outfit chosen and having left the house behind, I continued to over-think and change my mind throughout the day. Ah the drama-rama.

Pilot Post?

After long debating the merits of starting a blog, I decided to dive in. What will I write about? While, there are many things I dabble in throughout my life, but the trend seems to be my ability to think way to much about all of them. And I mean way too much. I could spend so long debating the purchase of a new pair of shoes that they go on clearance and sell out before I decide to get them. Seriously. Hence the ever-present question mark at the end of my title.

I can't even fathom the day I need to buy a house. My analytical brain will twist and turn, back and forth over the mental pro/con list until I wait so long I miss out. Or (because, yes children, there is always an "or" with me...) I will fall head over heals with it and commit immediately. When those once-in-a-blue-moon commitments happen, you will definitely know about them. They are way too precious not to pounce upon and share with all the world in an attempt to make me seem like a normal human being who doesn't waffle over every single thing.

mmm, waffles...

image from annie mole's photostream